Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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