What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize