whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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