dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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