I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
