tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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