dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
