i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
