Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
