Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
