I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
