i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
