Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
