i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
