So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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