best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
