Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
