You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
