We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
