The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
