I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
