apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
