Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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