I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
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I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i think my cat just said my name.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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