dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
