I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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