I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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