So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
