yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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