sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
