Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Everclear isn't food dammit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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