i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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