She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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