he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
