So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm like, not good at living.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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