Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
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styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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