he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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