C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have aggressive nipples.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
