He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
