i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
