You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
