1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
