glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
