we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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