$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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