Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
