Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
