You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
