we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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