No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
