So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
