Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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