I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How does one acquire holy water?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize