Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
