i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
