My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
