my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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