What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
