Do you still have your period?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
