I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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