I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
