I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
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those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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