i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
