god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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