I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
