YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
