Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
